Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The First...

While in college I got a job, as most people have to do at this point of their life. i worked for a staffing agency for caterers. The people there were wonderful! Pay great! The job ideal, you call every week and let them know what you could work. What more could a college student ask for? The people I work for were wonderful. I worked for them for roughly two years, grew to know these people. Actually enjoyed my job! I liked and respected the people I worked with.

"Life happens while you are making other plans"

Our GM was moving. No one was happy. At his request, I worked the party where he told the staff he was transferring with the company out of town and introduced us to the women taking his spot. Okay fine. Long story short, things changed again. He ended up quitting and taking a position with a local company. Things were great! We still worked with him, he only asked for those he know!

But something else changed...not sure what.

Last time I saw him was at a party. I had the semester from hell and was not working a lot. This week I called in to let the office know when I could work. I was give a choice. his party or this other one. (I don't even remember what it was, there was no choice for me.) I booked myself on his party. I make it there and we start setting up...

Our last conversion...

I was setting up the bar. He came over to talk.
He made a comment, "you never work my parties anymore."
Completely oblivious, I answer, "I've been busy with school."
small talk continued for a brief time and he went to check on something. I started thinking, why did I not tell him that, yes I'm busy but I choose this party to work with you? It bothered me. A LOT! I stopped what I was doing and went looking for him. Couldn't find him. After about 10 minutes of looking, I asked where he was. By his staff, someone I'd known for a while, he was not suppose to be there. He was just checking in. He had left. . .

I went out in the street to look for him... hoping he was still there. No. He was gone.

I had a hope that he'd return and I could fix what ever it was. However, it bothered me all night, but I came to terms and figured the next time I saw him, I'd make it right. But it bothered me. I thought about tracking him down, if I called the office, the people there would know how to reach him. However, I dismissed that.

The party was on a Saturday; that Tuesday I found out that he'd killed himself late Saturday night, early Sunday morning.


I have very little delusions about the relationship I had with him and what happened. While we got along, it was never a close relationship. I'm still not sure knowing how he died that I believe it was a suicide. I'd just hate to think that if I'd spoken up, it might have changed things. It also bothered me how odd that last was night was, and how much it bothered me after he left...

I think it was only timing. Personally, I didn't know enough to judge his personal life, but I have a hard time thinking it was suicide. But it may have been.

Please do not miss read this. what ever you may find the story I just told, understand that this: I've told this story and meeting with him to no one. The "core" group of the (lack of a better term) employees that worked and knew him think he did, but miss him. We talk about him often. However, there are a handful that knew him best and were closer. They do not believe it. They think it was an accident. There ruling on cause of death was little help.

I go with both ways....I can see an accident, but that last still bothers me.

I just wish I had the answers.

but I don't and there are none to give.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. "
Robert FrostUS poet (1874 - 1963)


willis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
willis said...

IMO, nothing you could have done or said would have made a difference in his decision if he did himself in that day. He was tortured by other demons long before the conversation with you which may have made him short with you in his comment, maybe even rude. You were subject to his problem instead of being his problem.